Spirited Spiritual Pissing Contests

My Guru Is Better than Your Guru

Your guru sucks, I say – not exactly in those words, but you know what I mean. My face is all intense as I tell you what I think of your guru’s opinion on architecture. Of course, your guru happens to be my ex-guru and this somehow gives me permission to voice my opposition to your point of view without crossing over the line. “My guru has more important things to do than consider the pros and cons of whether my house, or any one’s house, faces east, west, north or south!”

And I start a mini-rant after you have joined us at our table in the coffee house where I sit with my friend blogging and processing the events of the past week. I wasn’t looking for a fight, but you started it and I intend to finish it (I had just finished a number of repetitions of my mantra that evidently had not taken effect).

I ‘m only going after you because you started it. You said my house would bring me poverty and lack of creativity because it is not proper vastu (according to your guru’s system called, Maharishi Sthapatya Veda (MSV). MSV is a set of architectural and planning principles  based on “ancient Sanskrit texts – kind of like Feng Shui, but Indian. Whatever…

Here’s the deal, Dude, when you take on my house, you take on ME, because I AM my house. No matter how long or how many years I’ve meditated, I’m ATTACHED to MY house and no one gets to disrespect it. I defend it and I really don’t care who your guru is, I believe my house faces the perfect direction.

So here we behaving like a couple of 16-year old boys flexing our muscles and insisting, “My dad can kick your dad’s ass….”

We have both meditated for about 80 years, collectively, and our ego’s are still on high alert ready to defend themselves and our turf with “fighting words.” In fact, all the meditation seems to have enhanced our reflexes.

Yet, I remember a previous generation of adults who had the good sense to never discuss spiritual matters or religion at the table which is what new-agers always do. We sit in cafes and talk about our latest visit to ashrams, or the latest strategy to  attain nirvana. I don’t remember our parent’s generation sitting at the dinner table with friends saying, “So, Marge, you’re Catholic, and I just want to ask you one question, how can Catholics believe all that crap about eating the flesh and blood of Jesus?”

They simply left those matters alone, wisely understanding, such questions are a recipe for unpleasant disagreement, and that matters of spiritual belief are personal. The word discretion is, for our generation, sometimes equated with repression, denial, or an unhealthily rejection of transparency. Thus, our tendency to over-communicate sometimes leads to guru bashing. Guru bashing leads to pissing people off unnecessarily.

Perhaps, the coffee house is not the place for spirited spiritual pissing contests.

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October 22, 2012 · 2:59 am

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